The New Crowd Control: Shake & Bake

Via the BBC, the Pentagon unveils two new weapons: a mobile, heat-producing ray gun which can be mounted on a Humvee, and a super-slick, spray-on polymer that reduces traction and is nicknamed "Black Ice."

First, the slip-up:
The plastic-like substance, the brainchild of the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (Darpa), would be used to force slip-ups from enemies....officials point out that "to get from point A to point B, one must have sufficient traction with the ground".

Einstein himself couldn't have put it better.

Then, fry them:
The weapon - called the Active Denial System [and known in the Pentagon by the Orwellian appellation, "Silent Guardian"] - projects an invisible high energy beam that produces a sudden burning feeling, but is harmless.

Military officials believe the gun [which has a range of 550 yards] could be used as a non-lethal way of making enemies surrender their weapons.

And just who are these weapons developed against?
--The [heat-ray] weapon could potentially be used for dispersing hostile crowds in conflict zones such as Iraq or Afghanistan.

--The "polymer ice" would be designed for hot, arid environments, "as found in Iraq and Afghanistan."

Uh huh. Sure.

I'm particularly convinced that black ice will be especially effective in unpaved, desert terrain.

So, next time you plan to protest in Washington, remember to pack SPF 30 tanning lotion and football cleats.